Behind Blue Eyes
by rowantree13
Summary: Each person has their own experiences, in life, in love and war. Sometimes a song can bring them all back to you.


'Behind Blue Eyes'   
  
by rowantree13  
  
Okay, so this is actually a songfic of a song that's a remake (possibly of a remake?) Sure, there's a lot of people with blue eyes. Some in our lives, some in our imaginations, some   
  
even in cartoons or movies or whatever.   
  
The question is, who knows what's real and what's false these days?   
  
*********************************************************************  
  
A lone guitar began playing, then a bass guitar added the background to the music.   
  
Heero Yuy looked up from his laptop and stared at the radio. It was one of Duo's belongings, something he had bought from a electronic store during a late night shopping trip. It was black, but Duo had taken a White-Out pen and had written 'Shinigami' on the top, as well as   
  
drawn a Deathscythe on it, seeming to swing out it's scythe toward the viewer. The white paste gleamed in the dim light as the music played it's haunting melody.   
  
The guitar kept playing, joined by one strumming the chords softly.   
  
Heero's eyes widened. He had heard that song before, though he figured this was a new version, a remake of the original. He dimly recalled walking though the airport with Odin, hearing the song from some of the speakers around the waiting and tired passengers.   
  
He didn't remember all of the song, though. But the first verse was in his mind, and he mouthed it as the voice on the radio started to sing.   
  
'No one knows what it's like  
  
'To be the bad man'  
  
'To be the sad man'   
  
'Behind blue eyes'   
  
Heero logged out and shut down the laptop, still looking at the radio. Memories flooded back, he thought back to the missions he had in the past. The soldiers, the diplomats, the families, all those...people. Those people, on the colonies, on the Earth, wherever they were... he had killed them. He was responsible for those deaths.   
  
'And no one knows what it's like  
  
'To be hated'  
  
'To be fated'  
  
'To telling only lies'   
  
"Quatre, are you there?" Trowa opened the door to Quatre's room, expecting to find him there, practicing his violin or reading a book. But Quatre wasn't there. Trowa closed the door behind him, walking around the room. He looked on the counters of the dressers, picking up a bracelet lying there. It was hand made, wooden beads stained different colors, all of them different. Trowa smiled slightly as he held it.   
  
Then he noticed there were some small red drops on some of the beads. They just appeared to be dried paint, but a faint smell told him otherwise.   
  
There were drops of blood on the bracelet.   
  
'But my dreams'  
  
'They aren't as empty'  
  
Noin tossed and turned in her sleep, remembering to a time before the war ended... before Zechs was gone...  
  
"Zechs, I wish you would just stop before you hurt your self!" Noin said to the aggravated man she knew so well, though it seemed like she was talking to a brick wall. He continued getting dressed and was about to put on his mask, when Noin grabbed it from his hands and tossed it away from his grasp.  
  
'As my conscience seems to be'   
  
"Noin, I have to go, I'm not letting you stop me!" He shouted at her, grabbing her by her shoulders. When she looked up, their eyes met. They stopped, held still by each other's gaze. Zechs stared down into her dark amthyest eyes, speechless. Noin looked up into Zechs' light blue eyes, they were almost like the color of the sky, on a day when the clouds   
  
were small and transparent.  
  
He pulled her closer and their lips met. She moved closer into his embrace, the scent of his body a perfume to her. Time and all thought of obligation were thrown to the side.   
  
'I have hours, only lonely'   
  
'My love is vengence'  
  
'That's never free'   
  
Wufei smiled as stretched in his bed, relaxing his muscles and breathing deeply. It felt good to be out here, getting away from the city, back to nature and the basics of life.  
  
He thought back to when he and Sally were last together, they had gone on what could be considered a 'date', as foolish as the idea was. When the others heard about it, he had to refrain from whipping out his katana just to stop Duo's merciless teasing.  
  
He remembered that he and Sally went to an amusement park, where dozens of people were cheering, shouting, playing games, eating snacks, carnival music played. It was too noisy and boisterous for Wufei's preferences, but Sally managed to convince him to give it a shot.   
  
They went on the roller coaster ride, as well as the hanglider one and one that spun in dizzying circles. Sally had held his hand, saying that she was dizzy, but Wufei wasn't effected by the dizziness, having the experience of flying a Gundam at speeds that made the rides child's play in comparison.   
  
Everything seemed alright, until they went to a quiet part of the carnival. There was a boat ride being offered down a creek, so he and Sally boarded, watching the lights of the carnival at the shore. The boat encountered some rough waves, and Sally, slightly dizzy from the motion of the boat, lost her footing, but Wufei caught her, holding her with both arms. She looked up at him, into his eyes. Wufei noticed that her eyes were blue, almost like the waves the boat was riding, a gray-blue color.   
  
Then she kissed him. He was shocked, to say the least, and even more shocked to find that instead of pushing her away, he helped her to stand up, still holding her. Only to tighten his embrace and kiss her back, just as passionately.   
  
It was somewhat of a haze after that. But he remembered... And he looked at the body lying beside him, in peaceful slumber. He knew those blue eyes.   
  
'No one knows what's it's like'   
  
'To feel these feelings'  
  
'Like I do'  
  
'And I blame you'  
  
She knew those blue eyes... though hers were brown  
  
She looked in the mirror. Every day, her double stared back at her. She couldn't help it, couldn't fight it, it was just the way things were. However, both were agreed on one thing.  
  
Treize.  
  
She loved him. She was willing to do anything. And hadn't she? Didn't SHE follow his orders to the best of her abilities? Didn't SHE assassinate those who had stood in his way toward OZ being established? Didn't SHE get to see him as others didn't, hadn't she even ran his bath for him?   
  
And he had a child with the Barton family...   
  
'It was all for OZ's gain, for their support!' She tried to convince herself. Still, it hurt. Even when she remembered... those blue eyes of his.   
  
'No one bites back as hard, on their anger'  
  
'None of my pain and woe, can show through'   
  
'But my dreams'  
  
'They aren't as empty'  
  
"QUATRE!!" shouted Trowa, searching though out the house for his friend. If anything had happened... what did Quatre do to himself?  
  
'As my conscience seems to be'   
  
As Heero stared at the radio, unknown to him, a figure stood in a dark corner, watching him, even as tears ran down their face. It was hard, not being able to wipe them away. But it was harder still to watch Heero as he stared, transfixed by the music.   
  
'I have hours, only lonely'  
  
'My love is vengence'  
  
'That's never free'  
  
Quatre grimaced as he looked at his fingers. The blood had finally stopped, but the cuts were there, still hurting. It wasn't  
  
the first time he had done this, but each time the pain came back, as strong as ever... just to show himself that he could feel, that he wasn't a monster.   
  
'Why did I slash just my fingertips?' he thought to himself. 'I should have just slashed my...'  
  
'Discover. L-I-M-P... Say it... Discover...'  
  
'NO!!!!' The part of him that was his 'righteous' self, the self that knew right and wrong, rang like a bell. 'You didn't do that because it'd be pointless! If you kill yourself, what happens then? You lose your soul!'  
  
'It's not like there's a soul to lose...' the 'cynical' self of him argued. 'You killed all those people, Quatre, lost your father and sister, all for peace. And the irony of it all? The war ended up lingering on! Even with your death, time will keep going.'   
  
'Discover. L-I-M-P... Say it... Discover...'  
  
'Maybe for the majority of the world, but there will be those who will not think of time if you leave!' said the 'righteous'. 'Even if ...'   
  
'What, you mean the person you're in love with??' the 'cynical' self laughed. 'It's not like they'll return the affection.'   
  
'You'd be amazed,' the 'righteous' self countered stubbornly. 'Hope springs eternal!'   
  
'So does death and destruction!'   
  
'Discover. L-I-M-P...Say it...Discover...'  
  
"STOP IT!!!" Quatre screamed in frustration, grabbing his head with his blood stained hands. He didn't know what he wanted now... more than anything, he wanted someone beside him...  
  
"Quatre?" Trowa's voice echoed in the room. Quatre looked up and then ran toward Trowa, flinging himself into the older boy's embrace. The tears came then, and he buried his face in Trowa's chest, the blood and tears mingling.   
  
'Discover. L-I-M-P...Say it...Discover...'  
  
Trowa's heart felt heavy, seeing Quatre in pain. Though he didn't really know exactly how to comfort him, he held Quatre tighter, securing him, making sure that he knew someone was with him.   
  
Trowa figured that was what Quatre needed the most right now.   
  
'But my dreams'  
  
Heero stared at the radio as the music swirled around him, captivating him.   
  
'They aren't as empty'  
  
Zechs and Noin had stopped kissing, and were merely holding each other, glad to be with the   
  
other's presence.  
  
'As my conscience seems to be'  
  
Wufei smiled as Sally turned over and opened her eyes, blinking them to clear her vision. Then a slow smile spread across her face.   
  
'I have hours, only lonely'  
  
Une cried as the glass from the mirror shattered, her reflection scattered across the floor of the room. The brush she threw at the mirror rolled to the floor, but she only looked at the glass. The thought she saw a familiar reflection in the glass... and it wasn't hers.  
  
"Treize?" she whispered to herself.   
  
A light touch on her shoulder convinced her he was there.   
  
'My love is vengeance'  
  
Trowa looked down as Quatre raised his head up, with some dried blood in his hair and tears in his eyes. They smiled at each other, Quatre's slightly sheepish, Trowa's one of relief as he looked into Quatre's eyes. What battles were there, had vanished.   
  
'That's never free'   
  
The song began, with softer chords than before. Heero felt his eyes water, and with no warning, a tear fell down his face. He raised his hand to brush it away, but instead felt it with his fingertips. He grimaced. He had gone though too much in his life to let himself get carried away by a song!   
  
'No one knows what it's like'  
  
'To be mistreated'  
  
  
  
'To be defeated'   
  
'Behind blue eyes'  
  
This song struck something inside of him. A feeling of nostaliga, combined with a sense of loss and emotions too complex to name and identify swept through him.   
  
'And no one knows how to say'  
  
'That they're sorry'   
  
'And don't worry'  
  
  
  
'I'm not telling lies'  
  
Another tear fell down, this time on the other side of his face. The tears reminded him of something...  
  
In a book he had read, a long time ago, the main character had cried on a planet where water was scarce. When asked by his beloved who he was giving moisture to, he said he gave it to those still living.   
  
His beloved told him to let them have their time of life.   
  
Heero wiped the tears and the marks off of his face, but his eyes were still wet, just from the pent up emotions inside of him. He sat back as he listened to the last chorus.   
  
'But my dreams'  
  
'They aren't as empty'  
  
  
  
'As my conscience seems to be'  
  
  
  
'I have hours, only lonely'  
  
  
  
'My love is vengeance'  
  
  
  
'That's never free'  
  
Duo walked out of one of the dark corners of the room, making Heero sit up in his chair. Duo had been in the room the whole time! He had seen everything!   
  
Duo walked toward Heero and sat down on the floor, beside his radio. He looked up at Heero.  
  
Heero's eyes widened. Duo's own eyes were wet and glistening, with several tear marks on his face. But he had been almost totally silent while he cried, so much that Heero didn't even notice him.   
  
Heero's prussian blue eyes stared at Duo's cobalt blue eyes.   
  
'No one knows what it's like'  
  
'To be the bad man'  
  
  
  
'To be the sad man'  
  
  
  
'Behind blue eyes'  
  
In this case, many people knew. 


End file.
